The Pie
by Endomiel
Summary: the fellowship meets, 1 year after the war o/t ring. Gandalf cuts the cake. 9 pieces, 8 fellowship members. then, the lights go off. when they go back on, the cake is gone. Who ate it?
1. The cutting of the cake

E/N (Endomiel's notes): Hi everyone! This is an insane story I came up with while eating cake on a party with some family so don't blame me for insanities. On second thought, do. Never mind my blabbering, I'm insane. I'll get to writing now… 

Disclaimer: nope, don't own any LotR character, why not? Why can't I own one? Just one please! 

PS: for all people who like my fic's about Endomiel, this one isn't about her, but she is there. She's the narrator-thingy. You know, the one who tells the story. 

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Chapter 1: Get the party started 

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Twas on a Menelya, an elvish Saturday, about a year after the war of the ring. The fellowship had gathered in Minas Tirith to hang out together and talk and stuff.

'Well…' Gandalf said as he cut the cake in nine pieces. 'We sure haven't seen each other for a long time!' 

'Indeed Gandalf.' Aragorn responded. 'And I am very glad to see all of you here today.' 

'It is glad indeed.' Gandalf handed out the cake to everyone. 

'Ooh, good cake!' Merry said as he took a bite. 

'Arwen made it.' Aragorn grinned. When everybody had their cake, Gandalf too sat down on the round table in the centre of the room. All of the fellowship members were eating their cake. Aragorn was in the biggest chair, on his right side was Legolas. Legolas was eating his cake neatly, enjoying every bite. It was indeed a good cake. To the left of Legolas was Gimli, he had already finished his piece of cake. 

'Twas as good as the Mithril in Moria!' He exclaimed. I don't see how he could judge the cake for it looked like he hadn't gotten a single crumb in his mouth. The cake was all over the place and Legolas was gently scraping whipped cream of his shoulder. 

'You know your food is supposed to enter through you mouth, don't you?' He mumbled. 

'Did you say anything, master Elf?' 

'No, dear friend Gimli, it was not me who spoke.' To the left of Gimli was Pippin, the youngest of all gathered there. He also had finished his piece of cake by now, but he didn't spill a crumb. A hobbit would never waste perfectly good food. 

'Hey Merry, look at the centre of the table.' Pippin whispered to his friend next to him. 

'What is it?' Merry asked as he turned his head. 'Ahh…' He licked his lips. Merry longed for the last piece of cake in the centre of the table. Left of Merry was Frodo. Frodo hadn't finished his cake yet, he was eating it slowly to enjoy the taste better. Frodo, as all hobbits, loved to eat but he always ate slowly. He took another bite of the cake and chewed. He could see Merry and Pippin stare at something. As he turned his head into the direction they were staring in, he also saw the cake. If only he could have that last piece of cake… that precious piece of cake… To the left of Frodo was, of course, his friend Sam. Sam had long ago spotted the spare piece in the centre and hadn't taken his eyes of it. He loved food more then anything. Even more as he loved Frodo. Of course, he loved Frodo in a socially acceptable way, DUH. He even loved food more as he loved Rosie. That had gotten him in quite a few fights back home. Rosie didn't like the fact that he spent more time with his meals than with her. I, for one, can understand that. I mean, he is her husband, he isn't married to his meals. Anyway, left of Sam was Gandalf, the powerful wizard. He was also very much enjoying his cake.

'Arwen sure made an excellent cake.' He said to Aragorn, who was sitting to his left. Aragorn smiled. This was the whole circle. Everybody was there. Everybody, except Boromir. He, as you all know, had died during the quest. That's why there was an extra piece of cake. Gandalf had forgotten that Boromir was dead, and now, in the centre of the table, was Boromir's piece of cake. All of the fellowship was now staring at it.

'Whose piece of cake is that?' Pippin asked as he pointed at the cake in the centre of the table.

'It uh…' Gandalf looked around the table. As far as he remembers, there were nine fellowship members, right? He counted everyone. Eight. Who was missing… after a few seconds of thought, he remembered. 'It is Boromir's piece.'

'Boromir?' Pippin said.

'You do remember he's dead, right?' Merry said.

'Of course I do!' Gandalf said.

'Then why did you cut him a piece of cake?' Legolas asked. Gandalf didn't know what to say. Why did he cut Boromir a piece? He forgot he had died. He couldn't tell the others that! What would they think of him? The all-mighty-wizard who forgot one of his friends died… oops?

'I uh… I did it out of respect for our friend Boromir, to show we still think of him, even now he's not here anymore.' Gandalf did a good job saving his ass there.

'Well, now we've paid our respect and stuff, we know he isn't going to eat it, so can I have it?' Pippin asked. Aragorn glared at Pippin.

'Of course not Pippin!' Merry said. 'There are other people here, they might like another piece too, we should dispose the cake by lottery.'

'We can't do that!' Aragorn said.

'Why not?' Pippin asked. It seemed like a good idea to him.

'Because it wouldn't be nice against Boromir!'

'He's dead anyway.' Legolas said.

'Legolas…' Aragorn started.

'Well, it's true. It's his own fault anyway. You don't just stand there in the open not paying attention to archers and expect not to get shot.' Legolas did have a point there. The hobbits nodded their heads and even Gandalf agreed. That, or Gandalf would like the cake too…

'If we are going to let somebody eat the cake, I find I should get it!' Gimli said as he stood up.

'Why you, master dwarf?' Legolas said as he stood up and towered over Gimli. 

'I have come the longest way to get here.'

'So?' Frodo said. 'I think I should get the cake. I carried the damn ring the whole way to Mordor.'

'I think I should get the piece.' Sam said. Everybody turned to him in wonder. 'What? I had to put op with Gollum for I don't know how long!'

'I think I should get the piece.' Aragorn said. 'Not only did I have to get an army of undead, I also had to marry Arwen and rule a stupid kingdom!' All of them started to fight. They clearly couldn't decide what to do with the piece.

'SILENCE!' Gandalf said. 'IF ANYONE DESERVES THIS CAKE… it is me.'

'WHAT?!?' The fellowship gasped.

'I died on that trip you know!' Now all Mordor broke loose. Sauron himself could be jealous of the hate in that room. Every fellowship member was convinced that he was the one with the best reason to have that last piece of cake. Suddenly, the lights went off. In the darkness, footsteps could be heard. Somebody was walking over the table. Towards the centre he walked.

'He's taking the cake!' Legolas shouted. Then, the lights turned back on. The cake was gone. There were only a few crumbs left on the plate in the centre of the round table.

Who took the cake?

Why?

And what were they going to do to him when they found him? If they found him…

More, in the next chapter of… The Pie

E/N: And? Did you like it? Please, R/R!! And I know, it's a short chapter, but the next will be longer, I promise. Oh, and ideas/motives are always welcome. Guess who you think took the pie!


	2. Is there any hope left?

E/N: HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Happy New Year!!! I hope your new year is as evil as mine, but not in the same evil way as mine. Let's just say my new-year didn't start quite like I wanted it to, but hey, I'm back to writing, so no complaints on that front. Uhm… what else can I tell you… Oh, right, I've seen TTT, I loved it!! Gollum is so great! Legolas kicks ass! Aragorn… gets dirty. Legolas points that out to him very… gaily. No offence, but I am starting to think that he is gay. I still love him tho! And Orlando too for that matter. I can't believe his hair's longer than mine! (Orlando's). It's just not fair! Oh well, he'll probably cut it soon. I like it tho… I mean, the short hair was very cute, but I could get used to this hairdo… Hehehe… Anyway, I'll cut the crap now and get to the fic. C ya! 

BTW, if something is between * *, put the stress on the word. Oh and Gimli's lines are written the way you're supposed to say them 

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Chapter 2: Is there any hope left? 

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The fellowship, minus Boromir, was looking through the room. 

'Alas..' Aragorn sighed. 'The cake has perished..' 

'Ai, ai.. Legolas wailed. 

'I'm hungry..' Pippin whined. 

'Shut up Pippin.' Merry said. 'You're not getting the last piece of cake, on the count of somebody ate it already.' 

'I'm hungry..' Pippin continued his whining, like Merry had never spoken a single word. 

'Where could the cake have gone..?' Aragorn pondered out loud. 

''Tis de fait av dis elvish cake..' Gimli noted. ''Tis jist ter gear ter be lef over.' 

'It wouldn't be left over if you just let me eat it.' Frodo said. 

'Poor mister Frodo..' Sam said. 'The ring has clearly affected him on a personal level. He has been so grumpy lately..' 

'That's because you've taken all my food away because you wanted to "test" It for poison.' 

'Now now, mister Frodo, we don't want you to get killed on this trip, do we?' 

'If I'll die, it'll be of hunger...' Frodo sighed, casting his eyes up to the sky, whispered: 'Please Eru, take me now.. I'm growing weary of Sam..'

'Mister Frodo? Mister Frodo?' Sam nudged his in the shoulder. 'Now don't be dozing off mister Frodo, it'll ruin your sleep.' 

'May I have your attention please?' Gandalf spoke loudly, in the way only the old wizard could do. 'My idea is that we should investigate. We have to find out who ate the cake!' 

'Rah-tah!' Aragorn cheered. 'An investigation!' 

'Ooh, ooh, can I be the detective?' Pippin jumped up on the table. 'My first question is for Gandalf.' He turned to Gandalf. 'Why a pointy hat?' 

'What does that have to do with the investigation?' Gandalf asked, slightly blushing. 

'Well, don't you think it's a bit strange that you're the only one with a pointy hat, while the stolen object is pointy too?' 

'Are you suggesting that I'm hiding a piece of *cake* under my hat?' 

'Did he just put the stress on cake?' Legolas asked Gimli. 

'Oi tink so..' 

'Ai, ai..' 

'I am not hiding a piece of *cake* under my hat..' Gandalf continued. 

'Oh my Eru, he did it again..' Legolas gasped. Everybody turned to him in question. 'Never mind me, never mind me, I'll just sit back and enjoy the show..' They turned back to Gandalf. 'Ai, ai..' Legolas continued. 'Ai, ai, *Ai*..' 

'I will be the detective.' Aragorn said, stepping forward and pushing Pippin off the table. 

'Hey!' 

'Put a sock in it, Pippin.' Aragorn continued. 'The first *I* will question, are actually four old beans.' He turned to the hobbits. 'Where were you on the moment of the crime?' The hobbits blinked in unanimity. 

'We were right here..' Frodo said. 

'Can you prove that you were here?' 

'This is my chair..?' 

'Then you, old bean, must have been there indeed.' Aragorn said. 'That leaves three hobbits..'

'Dork..' Frodo sighed. 

'This is my chair!' Merry said. 

'Devine try midget.' Aragorn said, stepping up to Merry. 'Gandalf, Spotlight!' Gandalf lighted his staff and aimed for Merry. 'Where were you on the night of the murder?' 

'Murder? What murder?' Merry asked. 

'Ah, denial! The first stage! You must be guilty.' 

'King Ellesar, there was no murder.' Gandalf said. 'Fool of a king..' 

'Not yet! But alas, what not is, might still become..' 

'Can we get back to the matter at hands?' Gandalf asked, turning off the spotlight. 

'Indeed. So you say you are not the one who has stolen the cake.' 

'I have not stolen the cake.' Merry replied. 

'I'm terribly sorry, but have you ever stolen before?' 

'Of course not..' 

'What about this!' Aragorn turned around to face the rest of the group. 'I present to you, exhibit A!' Everybody sat in wonder. 'Exhibit A!' Still nothing happened. 'Arwen, hunny, you're supposed to jaunt in now with exhibit A.' The big, wooden, double doors opened. Arwen walked in. She was carrying a pillow with a cloth over it. 'Ah yes, exhibit A!' Aragorn put his hand over the cloth and grasped it. With one mighty pull, he pulled the cloth off. 

'Oh, *that* thing..' Merry said. 

'Rah-Tah! *That* thing. A palantír, dear old beans. My proof that Pippin --' 

'Merry.' 

'..Merry?' 

'Yes.' 

'Your name is Merry?' 

'Do dogs piss on walls?' 

'Well.. I suppose they do.. But is Merry your name?' Merry sighed. 

'Yes..' 

'Good heavens, how smashing! Anyway, Merry is guilty!' 

'Why do you think Merry's guilty?' Legolas asked. 

'Surely, you beans have seen my Exhibit.' 

'Yes..' 

'Well, then he must be guilty.' Legolas sighed. How did he end up here? Surely, he could have sent a servant to be the representative of his father's realm.. These mortals need more time to evolve their brain. 

'He might not be guilty.' Legolas said. 

'And how would you, very old bean, know?' Aragorn walked over to Legolas. 'Ah, people, one thinks we have found a new suspect! A confession is on the way, one can feel it.' The hobbits snickered. 

'Don't you want to finish questioning the hobbits?' 

'Hobbits?' 

'You haven't questioned Sam yet, and Pippin is still a suspect too.' 

'This is going to take a while..' Gandalf sighed. 

'Let's leave the halflings, you are my suspect now. Give my your quiver.' 

'My quiver?' 

'Give it.' Legolas handed over his quiver. 

'Thank you, elf.' He turned the quiver upside down. All the arrows fell out. Aragorn shook it some more. 'Now, where did you hide it?' 

'I did not take the cake.' 

'WHERE DID YOU HIDE IT?' 

'Did it ever occur to you, that if I had the cake, I would have eaten it by now?' 

'Of course..' Aragorn handed the quiver back to Legolas. He started to walk in a circle around Legolas, who was very busy re-collecting his arrows. Suddenly, Aragorn reached to Legolas' back and grabbed one of his swords. Legolas spun around with the speed of light, pulling out the other knife and pushing it to Aragorn's neck. 

'Give me my sword back, Aragorn.' Legolas hissed. 'An mer-lle na mando cár-lya, nás lá?'(1) 

'Quildë, Legolas. Vá maurë na ëa tarna.' (2) Aragorn handed the sword back. 

'What was that all about Frodo?' Merry asked. 

'I dunno.' 

'I thought you spoke Elvish?' 

'Quenya. Yes, I thought I did too..' Frodo said. "But they can't possibly have said what I think they've said.. I mean, they couldn't possibly be planning to.. Must keep pure thoughts.." 

'I hereby declare Legolas not guilty. Next!' Aragorn looked around. A small figure with lots of crumbs in his beard caught his attention. 'Gimli..' 

'Mm.. Yes..?' 

'How come your beard is so covered with like, 1000 crumbs?' 

'Oi ayte neat for a dwarf?' 

'Try again.' 

'Oi ayte in general?' 

'One was thinking something more in the direction of YOU ATE TWO PIECES!' 

'Oi DID NOT!' 

'Let's see if you can prove that.' Aragorn stood in front of Gimli and grabbed a crumb from his beard. He rolled it between two fingers. 'Well, ah, a fine structure, one will say.. this is obviously the third piece from the..' He tasted it. 'Left.. yes, most definitely the left.' 

'Iwww..' Legolas said. 

'Can I have a piece too?' Pippin asked. Aragorn grabbed another piece. 

'Same piece..' And another. 'Same piece..' And another. 'Same piece..' And another.. 

*2 hours later* 

'And this is *also* the came piece..' 

'What a surprise..' Frodo sighed. 

'I guess I've tasted all then.' Aragorn took one last look at the beard. 'Wait.. what's this?' He grabbed the grey-ish crumb and rolled it between his fingers. 'Definitely not the same piece. No. No, definitely not the same.' 

'Waat chucker yer tink 'tis?' Gimli asked. 

'Hmhmhm..' Aragorn said, tasting again. 'I think I know what this matter is.. 'Tis.. 'Tis.. ZEEKLEI?!?' 

(1) = For you want to keep your head, is it not? 

(2) = Quiet Legolas, no need to be cross. 

E/N: I know, I know, another short chapter, but that's coz I kind of wrote this in a hurry, and I actually think this chapter isn't too good, as in, it sucks, so I'll probably re-write it soon and then re-post it, so check back soon, 'kay? Anyway, I've got to get back to writing now, c ya! 


	3. Spooky Business

E/N: Hi guys! Okay, so I haven't updated in about... a year or so... that doesn't mean I'm dead! Even tough being dead would've been a good excuse for not updating... Anyways, I'm back and uhm.. Hi!

Disclaimer: fellowship members are expensive. No, that does not mean I own any.

Chapter 3: Spooky business

So there they were. Sitting around, staring at each other. Who'd eaten the cake? Nobody seemed to know. Of course, somebody had to know, because the cake didn't just disappear, now did it? If it did, there wouldn't be crumbs left. Arwen, who'd grabbed an extra chair and joined the fellowship at the table, sighed.  
"Guys, it's just a cake..." she said. Everybody looked at her.

"Just a cake..." Sam muttered. "How dare she..!"

"Arwen, honey, didn't you have something in the oven?" Aragorn said, trying to usher her away from the now deadly looking hobbits.  
"Not that I recall, no... Why?"  
"Well, maybe now's a good time to make that new pot roast Éowyn gave you the recipe of the other day."  
"Oh, are you guys staying over for dinner too?" Arwen looked thrilled.  
"Yeah, I think this is going to take a while, sweetie." Aragorn sighed.  
"Great!" Arwen hurried away to the kitchen.  
"So, we can eat here huh?" Pippin asked.  
"Yeah, sure, I guess."  
"Good. 'Cause I'm hungry."  
"You're always hungry, Pippin." Merry said.  
"Don't tell me you couldn't take a nice meal right now? All this investigating and questioning really worked up my appetite."  
"About the investigating..." Aragorn started. "Who ate the bloody cake?" Nobody answered. "Come on, it has to be somebody in this room."  
"But if it's not one of us, then there must be somebody else in the room." Gimli said. "Search the room!" Everybody searched the room. There was nobody under the table, or on the chandelier. Nobody behind the air-vents, and nobody behind the curtains. To make a long story short, the fellowship was alone.  
"We are alone." Pippin said.  
"But are we..?" Gandalf said, half closing his eyes in an attempt to look mysterious. "Maybe it is indeed not one of us who took the cake, but it is the one it originally belonged to..."  
"But Arwen wasn't even in the room when the cake disappeared." Merry looked puzzled.  
"Not Arwen, fool of a halfling, Boromir!" Gandalf smacked Merry over the head with his staff.  
"But Boromir died... I saw it with my own eyes!" Gimli exclaimed. "By the mythril quarries of the world, I swear I will kill him if he is still alive after all that time."  
"Gandalf means his spirit, Gimli." Legolas said, boredom obvious in his voice. "But if it really was his spirit, then why take a piece of cake? I have not before heard of an spirit consuming food meant for the living."  
"It puzzles me deeply, Legolas. I neither have ever encountered anything like it before. But then again, it was a good cake."  
"I still think that somebody in this room is lying. Somebody ate the cake, it can't be that a spirit took it."  
"We must not exclude any options before we have proof, young elf. But for now, I think it is wise indeed to do some more of that so-called investigating." Gandalf turned to Aragorn. "You have been so eager to ask questions, great Ellesar, is that perhaps because you took the final piece?" Aragorn looked stunned.  
"Never before in my long life have I been accused of something this evil, wizard of old. I did not take the cake, the thought hadn't even crossed my mind." Gandalf lifted one of his eyebrows. "Okay, perhaps I have thought about it, but is it not one of the flaws of human, to see temptation everywhere?"  
"It is also humanity's flaw to give in to temptation..." Legolas muttered.  
"But I am not like that, and you know that." Aragorn stood up straight, tall and proud. "I am different than other humans, that is why I am king." He pranced around the room. "Humanity is weak, but I am here to inspire, to show how it can be done, that it can be done. My people trust me because they know that I merely take decisions based upon good thought, not intuition or the rantings of some advisor. It is because of my ways-"  
"Did you take the cake or not?" Gandalf interrupted.  
"I did not" Aragorn responded. "for I, king Ellesar-"  
"Then sit down and stop speaching. You're boring the readers." Gandalf continued the questioning "So, who is or next suspect? It was not Aragorn, nor was it Legolas. Gimli can be excluded from our list of suspects too, and I can assure you I wasn't the one who took the piece. That leaves, one of the hobbits..."  
"Well, I don't know about you guys, but it surely wasn't me. Besides, shouldn't we look at the evidence before pointing fingers?" Sam seemed a bit stressed.

"You might have a point there, little one." Aragorn said. "Let us look at the proof first. We have the dish, on which the cake lay. Gandalf, turn on the blacklight, if you please." Gandalf's staff lit up. Aragorn took some white powder from his pocket and scattered it over the dish. He blew softly over the dish, and the powder, lighting up in the light from Gandalf's staff, revealed 3 fingerprints. "A-HAH!" Aragorn exclaimed. "Now we will find out who the culprit is! Everyone, you must hold your finger next to it so I can compare prints." Everybody did as they were told, and Aragorn investigated. It was not Gimli or Legolas, which was expected. Sam was proven to be innocent too. It weren't Aragorn's own prints, nor was it Frodo who had touched the dish. Merry and Pippin weren't guilty either. That left only one person. "Gandalf, how could you?" Aragorn looked very disappointed in his, to some extent, mentor.  
"I passed the cake around, remember. That required me holding the dish." Gandalf tolled his eyes. "Let's not jump to conclusions to soon, great detective."  
"Oh, right, forgot about that. So, the prints provide us no help, what else can we check out?"

"Was it not footsteps we heard on the table during the moment of darkness?" Frodo said, providing the next clue.  
"It was indeed! That means two things. First of all, there must be footprint on the table, and second of all, who was sitting close enough to the light switch to be able to turn it off and then walk all over the table before it was turned back on?" Aragorn eyes the group suspiciously. "I need more powder." He stalked off. "And a fan!"

E/N: yet another fast chapter, but I thought that since you were all waiting for anything to get posted, this'll do. Right? Anywayz, thanks for your reviews trough all these months, especially the one I got the other day from flashkindi, it kind of reminded me of the fact that exists... ;;;  
anyways, keep posting who you think did it! R/R!  
thanks


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